Tivi's Dagger Read online

  Such euphemisms were the foundation upon which high society in Lis was built.

  A family of many-suited sinners had given Brin no end of sleepless nights at the family shrine, burning his offerings and lashing his flesh, praying for our eternal souls on knees that scraped against the harsh stone as if his blood could make us clean again.

  I watched him flex the hand he had used to hold the whip, and sorrow flickered across his features.

  This hurts me too.

  Part of me wanted to grab Brin by the throat and choke the life out of him for his hypocrisy, but then I remembered everything I stood to lose if I defied him. I stood up and slowly pulled on the rest of my clothes. It felt as if my blood had come alive underneath my skin, such was the cold, mutinous rage that was creeping over me. Sulkily, I refused to join him for breakfast and sat on the edge of the bed where the sheets were soaked with my sweat and tears, nibbling on a sliver of dried meat. When my brother came to say we were leaving, I followed him stiffly without a word.

  The others were waiting on the path that led out of the village, chatting idly and petting the donkey. It was a beautiful morning. The mountain mists had lifted and shafts of sunlight were shining down through the clouds. The pale birds were circling above and the grasses were high and buzzing with life. The pine trees all around us shone green in the fleeting sunlight.

  Kari turned and smiled at me, and for a second I felt as if one of those sunbeams was shining directly onto my face.

  Then Brin asked him something and at the sound of my brother’s voice I remembered what a bad mood I was in. Ignoring Lana and Kel’s curious glances at my lack of a pack, I kept my eyes downcast and trailed behind the party as we left the village.

  The path we were taking followed the river and I was glad of the sound of the water. It was like listening to the voice of Methar itself and the rushing rapids soothed my mind somewhat, even as my back stung and ached under the scratchy material of my shirt. We walked beside the tall reeds and leaping fish most of the morning; Lana was chatting to Kari and Kel and trying to engage Brin, who was leading the donkey with a dark look on his face, occasionally grunting a response.

  Eventually, a wooden building came into view on the left side of the road where it nestled among thick-trunked pines. Kari pointed to it with a smile of apparent relief. “A Pilgrim’s Rest. There are many along the way. Let us sit for a while. I’ll gather some plants from the forest around that we may eat.”

  I let out a faint sigh of dismayed resignation that was swallowed up by the sounds of the river. A peasant’s meal of forest plants was a far cry from the smoked meats and bowls of exotically spiced mash I would normally enjoy at lunchtime, but by that point I would have gnawed the leg off a table, such was the grumbling in my stomach. As my brother was tethering the donkey, Lana put her hand on my back and I could not stop myself from flinching at her touch.

  She looked into my eyes with concern and lowered her voice. “He has used the whip already, has he not?”

  “It is nothing.” My cheeks flamed with sudden humiliation.

  “Oh, Ned.” She cupped my face in her hands and her brown eyes softened. “I thought to distract him with conversation, to keep him off your back on this tiresome journey. It seems I haven’t been successful. What reasons did he give for this abuse?”

  “There’s nothing you can do. The Rite gives him good enough reason to punish me in any way and for anything he chooses. It’s for my own good.” I finished with a stern imitation of my brother’s voice and we sat together on the ground. I threw a stone into the river. Cold dampness soaked into the seat of my trousers but I didn’t care.

  “Then I will stick to you like a barnacle. I’ll not allow him to beat you again, Ned. It’s enough that you’ve been brought to this, yes brother, no brother, sniveling like a manservant.” A crease appeared between her eyebrows. “I can hardly stand to watch it.”

  “Lana, you can’t protect me. Things are as they are, and this won’t last forever.” I put my arm around her and squeezed. “He cannot invoke more than one Rite, it is forbidden. Soon we’ll return to Azmara and everything will be back to normal. We’ll be back at the Duck and Swan in no time with our tankards full of a fine vintage. Kaldar is stocking up the barrels in his cellar as we speak, I’m sure of it.”

  “Ah, don’t talk of such things! I already dream of the wine and the fun we’re missing. Do you not dream of it also?”

  I remembered my dream with a grin. “Actually, I do not.”

  She glanced over at Kari, amused. “I think you have found something more attractive to dream of, have you not? Ah, Ned, he is truly a glorious specimen. Alas, his desires do not seem to include women, more’s the pity. But on the bright side, perhaps you can finally sample the dish you’ve always dreamed of. A good fuck would certainly liven up these wearisome trudgings.”

  “Language, woman!” I gave her a mock-stern look with a passing imitation of my brother and she laughed loud and long. It cheered me to hear the musical sound and we were nudging each other and giggling like children when Brin — obviously detecting unsanctioned fun — came to loom over us, hands on hips, casting a grim shadow.

  “Nedim, go with the guide and help him gather these…plants. The rest of us will remain, to guard the valuables.” He glanced toward the donkey and his precious box, and I gritted my teeth with annoyance while I prepared to snivel like a manservant, as Lana had so aptly put it.

  “Yes, brother.”

  “And be quick about it.”

  “Yes, brother.”

  Dragging my feet, I walked over to where Kari waited with an empty bag slung over his shoulder. Our guide was a fine sight in his soft-fitted leathers and he had tied a colorful band around his head to absorb sweat. He seemed more than happy to learn that I was to accompany him, and gave a sunny grin.

  “We’ll collect mushrooms,” he said. “It may take time to find the right ones. Many of them are poisonous, and we must watch out for the spiders.”

  “Spiders?” I looked at him, dubious.

  He waved toward the forest and I followed him into the pines.

  “This region is populated by giant spiders, few in number but as big as a goat and deadly poisonous. They live under the earth and love to feast on the unwary traveller, for we are easier prey than deer. But don’t be afraid. I will easily be able to tell if we are nearing a lair. The silk shines on the forest floor, as good as any signpost.”

  When the Pilgrim’s Rest was safely behind us, I paused in a small clearing. “About yesterday…”

  “It was wonderful, was it not?” He turned to me with a smile. “I dreamed of you last night, Ned.”

  “Oh, Kari.” All thoughts flew out of my head. I pulled him into my arms and buried my nose in his hair. The smell of his body was an aphrodisiac in itself. He relaxed in my embrace but then his hands settled on my back. I stiffened at the sudden pain.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I pushed him away and looked at my feet, feeling once more that creeping sense of humiliation.

  “Nothing’s wrong.”

  “You are in pain. I wondered why your brother packed your belongings onto the donkey this morning.”

  “It’s nothing, really. Please don’t ask again.”

  My pleas fell on deaf ears. He fumbled at the buttons on my shirt and then eased it off my shoulders. The cool wind on my back was a blessed relief. There was a sharp intake of breath as he looked upon my back and saw the welts on my skin.

  “Did your brother do this to you, tiyal?”

  “Things are how they are, Kari. You can neither protect me nor be my judge. This is my choice.”

  He stood behind me, tracing a gentle fingertip across the lines where the whip had marked me. The feeling of his breath on my skin made me shiver. I heard him fumble in his bag, then a cork popped from a stopper. “Then let me help you. This ointment will soothe the soreness. It’s made with healing herbs and soured goat milk. My grandmother would not have
had me walk ten paces without it.”

  The shock of the cool cream made me jump but the soft touch of his fingers was both relaxing and slightly erotic. He spent long minutes smearing the ointment over my back and I closed my eyes, content. The stinging disappeared almost immediately under his ministrations.

  “Better?”

  I flexed my shoulders and smiled at him. “Much.”

  He returned my smile with the slow blink of a contented feline, then touched my cheek with the back of his hand. “Then kiss me again, Ned.”

  “Kari…” I turned from him with a heavy heart.

  Brin’s whip had brought the real world crashing through my dreams of seduction and defiance. I had not counted upon Kari being such a willing participant in these forbidden activities and I was suddenly afraid for both myself and him. “I cannot. You know how such liaisons between men are looked upon in Lis. If my brother was to learn of it…”

  There was a silence. A small creature darted through the undergrowth and a flock of pale birds burst from the trees above. Eventually, Kari spoke.

  “You do not want me, then.”

  I spun around, surprised. “No, it’s not…”

  “Because I haven’t been desired by many others, as you have. I know!” He ran his hands through his hair. “Shame on me for thinking a man like you would want one such as I am, without a single ring in my ears.”

  Baffled, I took his hands in mine. “Kari…I don’t understand what you’re saying. It’s my shame and mine only, for being such an utter coward. My brother may well whip me more, and the next time he will not hold himself back.”

  “I do not understand why you don’t simply take the whip from his hands. You are a grown man, and a strong one.” He turned away, frowning. “If it’s like that, then let’s just gather the mushrooms before Brindar grows angry again.”

  He gave me the empty bag to hold and I followed him around the trees, watching him examine the meaty-looking pale mushrooms that sprouted around the base of the trunks. He pulled the darker ones off and brushed them with his fingers before putting them into the bag. There were some long-stalked plants growing among the sprinkle of blue flowers which seemed to thrive despite the little light that reached through the thick canopy to shine on the forest floor. He pulled the stalks from the earth to reveal fleshy, cream-colored roots and separated them from their foliage, which he sniffed and pocketed with a half-smile.

  With his bitter words echoing in my ears, I watched the muscles in his arms flex as he picked the plants we were later to eat. His shirt pulled free of his britches and as he crouched once more, I saw the tip of his arse crack and remembered what a glorious sight his naked body was.

  “Kari,” I blurted out suddenly. “My brother has invoked a Rite of Instruction, according to the Divine Laws of Lis. If I do not obey his every word on this pilgrimage, I’ll be cast out of our home and left on the streets with nothing more than the clothes I wear. I’m bound not to speak of it, but…I suppose I’ve already broken it in telling you. That’s why things are as they are. I must obey him, can you understand that? Please, say nothing to Brin.”

  He looked at me with sorrow in his eyes. The neck of his shirt had come apart, revealing the dark hairs of his chest. I pulled him to me with a sigh. “I am not always this subservient.”

  The bag slid from his arms to the forest floor as I kissed him. He was stiff against me for a second, but then his mouth opened like a flower. His lips were soft, his stubble scraping against mine. He tasted both sweet and sour and my head filled with the scent of his body, slightly sweaty from all the walking, but clean and masculine all the same. I broke the kiss, took one of his hands in mine, and pressed it against the surging hardness in my groin. “How could you think I don’t want you?” I whispered, sucking his earlobe gently into my mouth. “You’re the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.”

  With trembling fingers I popped the buttons of his shirt, watching the reactions to the sensations in his body play across his face as my fingertips brushed through the chest hair to those dark little nipples. His breath caught in his throat as I teased them into hard points. His eyes were half-closed and bright with arousal, his lips parted and slicked with saliva from our kisses, his breathing shallow.

  As I looked into those eyes, I realized I’d never seen such naked desire on a lover’s face before. The Immorality Laws stated that sex was for the marital bed only, and that good women should never desire or initiate it. Even those who readily entered my bed were still conditioned to go through a coy charade of pretending not to want it, an act which quickly grew tiresome and dulled the passion somewhat. The lust burning in Kari’s eyes was like a fuel to the flames of my own desires and right then I wanted to do so many things to him that I did not know where to start.

  Kari cupped my face and kissed me again. So gentle were his lips, and yet his quick breaths and the hard heat of his groin belied a great passion. My fingertips brushed his nipples once more and he clutched me hard, digging his fingers into the tender skin of my back. The sudden pain made my cock surge rigid and somehow we crashed down together on the forest floor, fumbling at each other’s belts in a mindless frenzy.

  I rolled on top of him, bracing my weight on one arm. My lips were kissing a line up the tendon in his neck, along the line of his jaw, then back to his warm mouth. He shifted under me and I felt my britches popping open. I could not stop kissing him. Our breaths were coming in faint gasps. I felt his ribcage rise and fall under me, his chest hair tickling my skin. With one hand I freed my cock and balls, wriggling awkwardly to get my britches to a comfortable level, and then went to work on his own which, between the two of us, we managed to yank down to his ankles. My knees ground into the slimy leaves of the forest floor as I settled, panting.

  He held my face in his hands and kissed me hard as my cock came to rest against his. The liquid leaking between us gave a delicious friction and I ground against him mindlessly, feeling my balls mash against his, the incredible heat and hardness against the coolness of our bellies. He met my thrusts with faint moans, his hands gentle on my back, slipping down to my bare buttocks. “Harder,” he whispered in my ear.

  That was all I needed. The wetness was spreading across our bellies as I thrust against him with all my force, our cocks squished together in their little close-quarters duel. I bit down on the smooth skin of his neck as I felt my climax rushing all-too-quickly forward. And then his back arched and he spurted against me, gasping my name. It drove me over the edge and I spilled my seed onto his belly to mingle with his, slowing down in a sticky, wonderful mess as I came back down to earth and collapsed into his arms.

  It was as if I was looking into a white light. My head rested against his shoulder and I tried to focus. The smell of the earth and soil beneath us mingled with the scent of sex wafting up from between our bodies. When my breathing had returned to normal, I picked a twig out of his hair and kissed the tender spot I’d bitten. He was stroking my face, his lips moving against my ear, but I couldn’t hear the words. I kissed him again, slowly and softly.

  He pushed me gently off him and smiled. “Ned, I am so thankful. I think Mata is turning her smile to me at last.”

  I bit my lip, unsure of how to respond. Then from nearby, I heard Lana’s voice. “Ned! Kari! Where are you?”

  I swore and rolled off him, groping for my handkerchief. Hastily, I spat on it and scrubbed the evidence of our recent exertions from my belly and Kari’s before we dragged our britches up and our shirts back on. My hands trembled as I brushed the leaves and dirt from my knees and arms. When we were fully dressed, I grabbed the bag off the ground and handed it to Kari. I gave Lana an answering call and soon she stood with us, hands on hips.

  “Brindar bids you hurry,” she said, looking us up and down with a sudden twinkle in her eye.

  “I have gathered all we need,” Kari said. His voice was a little more high-pitched than usual and his hands trembled as he clasped the bag containing the supplies
to his chest. His cheeks were still flushed and he looked at his boots, a nervous smile playing on his lips.

  Lana surveyed us for a moment, then rummaged in her back pocket and pulled out a pouch, from which she produced some of the dwarven chewing tobacco she loved and I loathed. “Here,” she handed a small pinch to both Kari and me. “Chew it.”

  “Lana, are you mad? It’s disgusting, and this is hardly the time.”

  “Do what I say!”

  I put the wretched leaves in my mouth and grimaced as the bitter flavor spread over my tongue. I chewed it for as long as I could endure, then spat it out. “I’m sorry to waste it, but you know I can’t stand that stuff.”

  Kari spat his out in a similar fashion and dragged the back of his hand across his mouth. Lana chuckled. “Well, it has certainly done the job of wiping that massive sex grin off both your faces before we return to the hut and your brother.”

  “Sex grin?” I was about to protest, but there was no point. Lana knew me better than anyone in the world, and had seen my sex-grin for herself some years previously when we were together. She yanked Kari’s headband off and tied it around his neck.

  “You should hide that bite too, unless Methar boasts insects with such teeth.”

  Kari looked mortified but I gave him a reassuring slap on the shoulder. “Let’s go.”

  “Promise me you’ll be careful,” Lana said, tucking the pouch back into her pocket. “There are limits to how long I can keep your brother talking, such are his conversational skills. If it were not for his desire to guard that box, he would have come looking for you himself.”

  The thought of being caught in such a position by Brin was a sobering one. As we made our way back to the pilgrim’s rest, I considered the madness that had struck me in the clearing. Lana was right. I would have to be far more careful. But what lay ahead was thrilling all the same.